Tempting the Devil
by chris pwure
Summary: SeiSubaru. experimentation with something new for me but well, something interesting for you to read. let's just say that subaru's a little different. Finished.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: X aint mine.

Evil. It horrifies us, terrifies us but yet at the same time fascinates us. We are drawn to it simply because we recognize the fact that deep down, anyone of us, no matter how good, how kind, or how pure in spirit, are susceptible to the evil inside of us, not matter how deeply it is buried.

Sometimes it seems so cynical to claim that everyone has a source of evil within us, but the truth is that it was always there, waiting silently. We are all capable of doing harm, no matter how strongly we may choose to deny that fact.

Subaru knew that. As he clenched his fist, he wondered if he did so in anger or in hatred or because all around him there was a sense of hopelessness. He sneered suddenly, his thoughts clouding his already depressed mood. To think that Seishirou had told him plainly that he would never be evil and would always bear the innocence of a child had stunned him.

You will never be worthy of my attention.

It was not spoken but it hovered between the two like a shadow. A shadow of death. Death would be the most probable outcome of what Subaru had come to call their strange and twisted relationship: A fatal attraction.

Innocent? Do you really deem me as such?

It seemed rather mocking. Contemptuous. Subaru hated that. On more than one occasion, Seishirou had tossed contemptuous looks at him and Subaru refused to accept any more. If there was any looking down to do, Subaru wanted it to be him looking down on Seishirou, not the other way around.

But really. What was so attractive about Seishirou that made it unable for Subaru to let go? The years of waiting and longing for an outcome that would never take place? The care and concern masking an ulterior motive?

Or was it more simple than that. The attractiveness of evil? The allure of such smoothness hidden behind a perfect mask? Seishirou was not truly evil, but he possessed the slickness of water sliding over smooth rock and that was the true allure of the man. How one could possess such a façade was the true attraction.

Subaru smiled. If there were no feelings and everything was just a forced reaction, he would easily shake off his obsession with Seishirou. Easier said than done, he knew. Time to turn the tables on Seishirou, time to make Seishirou feel what Subaru had felt all these years.

He walked on, ignoring the people around him, ignoring the place he walked to. He walked, simply walked. He stopped in front of a restaurant, shook his head at his clothes and made a turn for a clothing shop. He allowed himself the satisfaction of picking out the clothes he liked and while the Subaru of old would have whimpered at the price, the new Subaru merely flicked his credit card onto the table, where it slid smoothly across to the cashier. Having done that, he returned to the restaurant where he wined and dined in style.

He repeated this pattern for many days.

He still did his duties faithfully but never failed to pamper himself in one way or the other. He refurnished his apartment and lingered in baths. It was a complete change of lifestyle. Subaru loved it, regardless of the outcome he hoped to achieve.

And one night, he received his long awaited visitor.

He knew, without looking up, who his unannounced guest was. The strong scent of sakura overwhelmed the scent of the blood red roses he had bought earlier that day. He bowed his head, waiting.

"This is new."

"This is different."

"I'm not sure I like the new." This was said with Seishirou's breath on Subaru's neck, very close to his ear. Subaru did not flinch, he turned his head slightly and whispered back, "Too bad for you then."

Seishirou stopped and somehow could not respond. He found the whole procedure odd and disconnecting. Still, there was a level of intrigue that Subaru had placed on the whole situation. For once, Seishirou could hardly begin to imagine the purpose of the younger man.

"What's all this?" Seishirou said sharply, annoyed that he could not fathom what the Sumeragi was thinking.

"Nothing, I felt it was high time for me to get out there and live life."

Seishirou stared and without warning, left in a whirlwind of pink petals.

Subaru smiled. He knew that Seishirou would return.

And return the Sakurazukamouri did when Subaru was having his bath. Subaru noted the shadow that had fallen over his book and smiled. Seishirou frowned, the amount of smiling Subaru did these days made the situation even more puzzling.

A hand swirled the water around. Subaru watched as the hand crept up his arm and made its way past his shoulder. His muscles went slack. The hand stopped its movement and withdrew.

"You're not tensed."

"Should I be?"

The hand hovered between Subaru's thigh and the water. Subaru looked up, his green eyes piercing Seishirou's brown one. It was a look full of sensuality that vanished almost immediately. Seishirou wondered if he had been dreaming. And there was curling in Seishirou's gut that was persistent and refused to go away.

Without warning, Seishirou gripped Subaru's chin in his hand, staring. He leaned in for a kiss which landed on Subaru's mouth. It was a short one, just a peck really. Subaru did not collapse and lean into his embrace. Seishirou frowned while Subaru inwardly rejoiced at the perplexed look on his face.

Then, a wicked grin spread across Seishirou's face and he leaned in again. Opening his mouth slightly, Seishirou gave Subaru a full throat kiss. He sucked Subaru's lips gently and pushed his tongue in, hoping to get a better response. There had rarely been times in Seishirou's life that he had given a kiss and not received it back wholeheartedly. Even while playing death, he had given light kisses to his victims, who had repaid him dazedly, almost dreamlike in their near death state.

Subaru repaid his kiss this time. With strength Seishirou did not know Subaru possessed, Subaru wound his arms around Seishirou's neck and bit him gently on the insides of his mouth. Seishirou tried to control the moan that wanted to escape but failed to do so. There was something so much more attractive about the new Subaru than the old. So much more...

Subaru withdrew and Seishirou grouped blindly for the intense pleasure that was suddenly given and suddenly taken away. He opened his eyes and noted with alarm that Subaru was smiling again. It was not one of warmth, not one lovers would share but one of contempt, a cold smile, so wonderfully similar to what he himself had given Subaru many many times before.

Sudden realization.

"You want me, don't you?" Subaru tilted his head, a come-hither smile on his lips. A smile that did not reach his eyes.

"You arrogant son of a bitch."

"Yes." The word was whispered out, and even Seishirou could not deny that he felt something strongly like attraction for Subaru.

And the score was 1-0, in Subaru's favour.

"Why?" Sudden intense fury.

"I can be evil, I can be cold hearted and I am not innocent." Each word was punctuated with feeling. Seishirou bothered with him because it was something new.

Sudden sadness.

"No, you'll never be evil, not truly."

"Neither will you. Though one must admit you certainly were much more attracted to me when I didn't care for you, when I did things _in your style_."

"And this was all to prove that you were never innocent." The attraction slipped a notch but lingered. Somehow the aura of intrigue was much less after the explanation.

"Well then..." Seishirou's arms lingered at his side, relaxed.

"Don't promise what you can't deliver." With a smooth motion, Seishirou slid into the bath, his hands tracing meaningless patterns on Subaru's skin. The warmth of the water intensified, as Seishirou leaned in to take what Subaru had dangled in front of him.

Subaru gasped, he was unprepared.

"See? You'll never be truly evil..." "Just a mask..." Seishirou kissed Subaru hard and Subaru succumbed to the passionate feelings he knew had never really disappeared. Seishirou's kisses left him breathless and this time, it was he that reached for Seishirou.

His arms clutched thin air.

"Not like me." Seishirou smiled disarmingly, his perfect mask back in place. He walked out of the bathroom, droplets of water flying everywhere.

Subaru banged his head on the bathroom tiles. He had given in too early, too easily. Next time, he vowed. Next time.

And the score 1-1.

Not really a draw though, even though there were figures, somehow there seemed to be a lot more in Seishirou's favour. A lot more...

-end?-

A/N: Okay, something new... not sure where I'm even going with this. Review!


	2. chapter2

Disclaimer: X aint mine.

Dedicated to: All who reviewed my first chapter. You were the ones who made me continue.

"You stupid son of a bitch" Mumbles emitted from beneath a pristine white jacket as Subaru walked the pavement. The annoyance seemed to be directed at both himself as well as Seishirou. "That cocky arrogant misfit" Every time the name crept into his mind, Subaru would start to lose control of his emotions and swear.

Feeling cold, wet, and plain miserable, Subaru stepped into a bar.

"One drink" He told himself, he promised. No more than one.

The warmth hit him like a swirling fog and he longed to lose himself in the embrace of the heat, the cheer and the laughter. Too close to Christmas time, too close for comfort. Even at times, he longed for the security of someone to share it with but Subaru knew the impossibility of such a situation presenting itself. He was simply too wrapped up in Seishirou to think about any one else.

He slid his weary body onto a counter stool.

"What'll it be?" The bartender asked.

"Just give me something to drown my sorrows."

"Ah," The bartender smiled knowingly, "First timers"

"I'm not. My brain isn't functioning at the moment." Subaru choked back the insult.

"Nah, I know your type pretty well. Goes for those classy and fancy pieces, dresses well, speaks well but can't get what they want. That's why you're here instead of snuggling up in your darling's arms."

Subaru would have decked the guy if not for the cheery smile to know that it was a joke. However, the words spoke closely to home and he winced a little.

He nursed the drink, then cautiously took a sip. The clear liquid blazed a trail of fire down his throat and he struggled to breathe.

-------------

Smiling, Seishirou watched from outside the pub.

Smoothing down his hair, he thought to himself, "My Subaru will never be a drinker."

-------------

"What's your problem, baby?"

Subaru cleared his watery eyes and stared at the girl standing next to him. Maybe girl was a much too young, woman was better. Her dark black hair swirled around her, and the clear honeyed coloured eyes hid a deeper meaning. Even her clothes drew his attention because they were something Hokuto would never ever wear or design.

"Can I sit down, pretty boy?" Again, the woman asked, indicating the empty stool beside Subaru with a booted foot.

"Be my guest." Subaru did not really care, thinking that the place must have filled up during his undignified choking and the woman needed a place to sit. He gave her a baffled look when he realized the bar was only three quarters full.

"Is this yours?" She took his glass of yet unknown beverage and threw it down her throat. Laughing again at his expression, she signaled the bartender.

"Give me a shot and something stronger for my baby."

"Baby? Who's baby?" Subaru just could not make out what was happening.

"You're really very cute." With that, she laid a hand on Subaru's thighs as her fingers worked their way up.

Subaru jerked back as if he were scalded.

"Don't touch me!"

"Why not, baby? Don't tell me you've never been picked up before? This is a bar and all the men want to be you!" She swept her arm and Subaru hid a blush as he noted the expressions of envy, awe and resentment on the faces of the men around him. He took a closer look at the woman, noting again her beauty and the something else in her eyes.

Realization dawned upon him.

"Seishirou, what kind of sick joke are you playing?" The woman was really too like Seishirou.

"Oh my god, you've got a girlfriend already. Don't tell me, she dumped you right? I know how to make her jealous."

"Do you know how to take a hint?" Miserable, Subaru slumped in his seat, his fingers playing with the new glass of potent mixture the bartender had served up.

"Come on, tell Jessie what your bad girlfriend did. I know how to make you feel better."

"How would I know? Stupid idiot's apparently the love of my life because I can't seem to let him go." He chugged down the drink and did not wince at the burning sensation because he was simply too lost in his own pain to care. The bartender cleared his drink and presented him with another and that was swigged too.

"Him?"

"Boyfriend, lover, stalker, killer, pain in my ass, sex maniac…whatever you wanna call him."

"Any chance of me helping you forget him?" Jessie lay a suggestive hand on his lapels of his shirt.

"You could try." The alcohol was rushing to his head, and Subaru was not clear of what he was saying or doing, thus resulting in his drowning of his third drink. What happened to his promise of one drink?

Given the go ahead, Jessie slid smoothly into Subaru lap and her hands curled into his hair, drawing them both closer. Subaru looked up confused, green eyes meeting honeyed ones. Lips touched his, setting him on fire. His hands touched smooth shoulders, small and slim waist, and Subaru leaped out of the stool. Jessie slid into a heap on the floor, all traces of smoothness and tolerance gone.

"You're not him." With that, Subaru got up, dusted himself and walked as steadily as he could manage under the damaging influence of alcohol across to the door.

-----------------

He leaned outside the pub, his head touching the cold walls as he watched the first sprinklings of snow scatter the ground, covering up all traces of the black and grey with white.

"Gah" Subaru could not take it any longer and slid into a heap on the sidewalk. His head was spinning and he just wanted to die.

"Interesting description of me, though I'm not sure I liked it… after all, how would you know if I was the pain in your ass if I've never showed it to you?" Seishirou looked down at Subaru from where one was standing and the other was sprawled on the ground.

"You smug bastard."

"Now now, Subaru _baby_… mind your language."

"None of your bloody business."

"None of mine? None of mine? I should jolly well think it's my freaking business if you went and had sex with that girl!" The calm expression gave way to fury.

"Actually, it won't be. I have my own life too, anyway, why would you care? You certainly didn't when I all but presented the chance to you this evening." It was Subaru's turn to be calm even when his brain was failing him.

"You wouldn't dare. You need me more than you ever thought you did."

"Don't dare me Seishirou, don't dare me." Subaru did not address the second part of Seishirou's statement because he was afraid of what he would say under such circumstances. He struggled to his feet.

"See, you do need me." Seishirou slung an arm around Subaru's waist and hoisted him upright on his feet. Subaru's arms instinctively tightened around the other's and Subaru placed his mouth close to Seishirou's, his breath warming the distance between them even as Seishirou tried to squelch the beginnings of desire that came from within.

"Come on, we're going home." Seishirou prepared to walk off with Subaru but Subaru stopped him. Calmly, Subaru unwound his arms from around Seishirou's and smiled, lifted up his arms… and flagged a cab.

Baffled, Seishirou could only stare.

"See, Seishirou _darling, _I don't need you, but the question is, do YOU need me?" With that, Subaru stepped up to the curb where the cab was waiting but before leaving, pressed a soft kiss to Seishirou's lips and slid inside the cab.

2-1 with Subaru in the lead, not that anyone was keeping score.

A/N: not sure if this chapter was to anyone's liking but well, we'll see how the reviews go and I'll take it from there. thanks to those who reviewed the first chapter, I was presently surprised.


	3. chapter3

Disclaimer: X ain't mine.

Having slept off the effects of the previous day's escapades, Subaru found himself contemplating the bottle of Merlot that stared at him from the recesses of his refrigerator. Surprisingly enough, the expected hangover had cleared pretty quickly, but Subaru had put that down to the fact that he had slept past the afternoon, and had awoken just in time for dinner to witness the setting of the sun. He shrugged, why bother about the passing of a day with nothing productive done when all his days were merely a repeat of each other? Soon, the monotonous nature of life would kill him. Literally.

Grasping the Merlot in his hands, he settled down to watch the sunset. Pretty hues and light spun everywhere and Subaru was enough of a romantic to wish…

Sudden pink mixed with orange.

"You didn't bring out two glasses."

Subaru looked away from the sunset and towards Seishirou.

"No, I wasn't expecting company." Subaru made no move to get up from his position of comfort. He chose instead to pour the full blooded red into his glass, swirling it around with an air of nonchalance. It was easy for him to do so because his senses were far from numb, the run ins with Seishirou were far too frequent for him to deal with.

"I don't like it when people ignore me."

"I don't like it when people start to whine." Subaru took a sip, relishing the flavour.

"I'm not whining."

"Why don't you listen to yourself sometime?"

"Why don't you learn? You never can stomach drink well."

Subaru regarded Seishirou over the lid of his glass. "I'm at home, it's so much safer to drink at home than outside, or was that something that never crossed your mind?"

"Are you sure about it being safer?" Seishirou took a step forward, bend down so that the two of them were at eye level.

Subaru did not reply.

"Well, at least let me drink with you." Seishirou lifted his hands and smoothly took Subaru's glass. Their hands met over the stem and Subaru shrugged off Seishirou's touch. His balance faltered and he went dangerously close towards Seishirou.

"Have you been drinking before this?" Subaru asked, noting the smell of alcohol on the older man's breath. He was THAT close.

"Why yes, but I unlike you, can stomach drink." Seishirou's eyes glinted with the coming swirls of the black night.

"Seishirou, I never said you couldn't stomach drink, I'm just wondering what a combination of wine… and me… would do to your system."

"If I wanted to be insulted, I would have gone to the Dark Kamui." The comment about Subaru passed over his head before he realized it.

The reference not lost on Subaru, Subaru muttered "I'm sure the Dark Kamui provides you with more than insults."

"I'm sure you'll like to know." The wineglass was refilled, and Subaru leaned in, tipping Seishirou's hand with the glass to his mouth. In the dark, with the light from streetlights flooding in small patches, there was an aura present about Subaru, his face half shrouded in darkness.

The drinking continued in silence, with the two facing each other, sometimes contemplating the opposite, sometimes staring into space without acknowledgment.

Seishirou lurched forward after a while, a smile on his face, his head almost falling into Subaru's lap. Leaning forward, Seishirou grabbed Subaru, kissing him hard.

Subaru pushed the latter away, laughing a little.

"You're drunk, Sei-san."

"So are you, Subaru-kun."

Wine removes inhibitions. The care free nature of their words spilled over, sounding almost endearing.

Seishirou made another grab for Subaru, succeeding this time as Subaru squirmed in his hold.

"Such pretty eyes, and even prettier mouth…" Murmured Seishirou, his fingers tracing the contours of Subaru's face. The result was a heart melting kiss, a soft sweet one where tongues melt, fire flickered and burned. Seishirou dipped a finger into the wine, letting it drop from his finger into Subaru's mouth. Hands touched, gripped with an almost urgent intensity. Subaru struggled to get up and wrapped his arms around Seishirou, content to hold, to feel. He felt warm, for an instance, he could hardly remember that the warm came from something that provided a fake stimulation of free inhibitions.

While Subaru was content with just that, it was clear from Seishirou's actions that he was not. Hands went under Subaru's shirt, touched gently, all the while showering butterfly like kisses on Subaru's face.

"No…"

"You're such a tease, Subaru-kun." Seishirou paid no attention to Subaru, intensifying the sensation his mouth was giving to the Sumeragi. His mouth left Subaru's lips, making its way down to Subaru's collarbone. Subaru weakened and responded. Soon, it was he that touched Seishirou, hands that left bruises in their eagerness to touch. Slight bruises. Subaru's mouth grew hot and the only sensation he could feel, could understand, was Seishirou. He moaned, welcoming what Seishirou was offering, letting Seishirou lock his arms together as the latter kissed him more passionately and more intensely than Subaru ever thought Seishirou was capable of.

And then the warmth left him.

"You wanted to know what a combination of wine and you would do to me?"

Standing up, his shadow towering over a dazed and rapidly getting upset Subaru, Seishirou straightened his clothes.

"Nothing, except a sheer sense of delight in knowing that nothing ever changes,… and Subaru, does this not prove that YOU need me?"

Subaru stared, the words he had spoken the night before tossed back into his face.

"You twisted my feelings, you made me want you."

"Excuses, excuses. But you must admit, you certainly do stir this slight feeling in my gut." Seishirou tossed out one final tidbit for Subaru to mull over before vanishing.

Subaru groaned and turned to the only solution he could find. Only to realize that Seishirou had taken the wineglass with him.

"Damn" Subaru muttered before collapsing on the floor in a drunken sleep.

2-2.

A/N: Sorry for such a late update. And the main thing about this chapter seems to be the dialogue. (as with every single of TTD's chapters) Appreciate the dialogue! Haha, I'll reply to the reviews in the next chapter. Please please review to keep me going! And don't you think that somehow what Sei is looking for is the physical while Subaru wants the emotional? I shall think about making it balanced up in the next few chapters. And yes, as a final note, I love all my reviewers. And would also like to add that I'm currently high on vodka at this moment. So pardon any weirdness in the chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

The lone figure in the apartment cuts the blackness of the night. The thought that things that were disgraceful were only done in the cover of the night constantly played on his mind. Yet there was a smile when there should have been blushing, a steadiness when there should have been faltering.

Subaru knew what he wanted. And waited, his body shrouded in darkness.

--

Seishirou walked into his apartment, his thoughts weighed down by Subaru. Subaru was dominating his thoughts far more than he would have liked nor cared to admit. Subaru had started out so innocent, naïve, and just plain fun to chase. It wasn't in the plan for Subaru to make Seishirou feel… As a result, he barely registered the other presence in the room before Subaru swept upon him and pinned him to the wall.

Seishirou did not bother to fight, he even relaxed slightly. Before, the relaxation would have given Subaru reason to pause, to wonder if that was what the predator did before attacking his prey. This time, Subaru's mind had left him and his only thought was to attack Seishirou at his lips.

Seishirou pulled back after receiving what he viewed as a "very nice rather aggressive kiss". Before Subaru could grab him again, Seishirou spoke.

"You're not thinking straight, little man."

"I'm not a little man, and I'm thinking darn straight!"

"If you're kissing a man, I doubt you'll be thinking straight" Seishirou placed a pun on his words before pushing Subaru away.

Subaru made a noise that sounded strangled.

"I know what I'm doing. I know what I want." Subaru leaned in again, applying pressure onto Seishirou's shoulders. His hands slid down to Seishirou's chest, tracing patterns. His breath tickled Seishirou's ears and his mouth did interesting things to Seishirou's insides. After worrying Seishirou's ear, he started on the mouth which refused to yield to him.

"You're not making this easy, Seishirou!" Subaru moaned, wondering if Seishirou really had a heart of stone not to be tempted when he was all but presenting himself to him when Seishirou's lips remained close.

"How can I when you're spoiling all the fun of a chase?" Seishirou disentangled himself from Subaru's embrace and started to walk away. Yet the swagger in his steps could not present itself, Subaru HAD affected Seishirou, even if the older man refused to admit it.

"Fun of a chase? I'll show you fun of taking what's offered!" Subaru threw himself on Seishirou, knocking them both onto the floor. The two men struggled and Seishirou being bigger and stronger won, cuffing both of Subaru's hands together. They stared at each other and Subaru looked away first. His cheeks were blushing. No doubt his mind had started to work and he was horrified at his aggressive actions. He tried to back away, but could not as Seishirou's hands were still clutching his. He could only turn his head away in shame. The moonlight caught his expression of shame perfectly.

Seishirou smiled. Things were back to being as they were. Yet his smile faltered when the moonlight caught both Subaru's expression and his tears which glittered in the dark.

"I'm sorry…" Subaru whispered, tears falling. He had no idea what possessed him to push Seishirou, let alone coming to the apartment where Seishirou's actions all but indicated he was far from welcomed. He felt numb, as if floating in a dream like state between being conscious and not. His tears felt like nothing and yet at the same time something. The only word he could say was 'sorry' yet deep down he faintly wondered if that was what he truly meant.

Seishirou gave in and hugged the younger man closer to him. His heartstrings tugged and there was nothing he could do but pull Subaru closer, all the while dropping light kisses on the hair. Subaru looked up and Seishirou gave him a soft sweet kiss which melted both of them. Was all forgiven by that kiss?

Seemingly so, because Seishirou deepened it. The heat that suddenly sprang up between them warmed them both and Seishirou's tongue traced Subaru's teeth and entered. Subaru surrended and his body moulded against Seishirou's. The hands that touched had actions that were soft. Sweet. Hands went around the waist. Dewy touches on the thighs. Subaru waited for Seishirou to take. And he somehow didn't care. As long as he was with Seishirou, nothing else mattered. He knew the possibility of Seishirou loving him and leaving him was very real but all he wanted was Seishirou. Love would never be a true factor in the equation. He Loved. But did Seishirou? It was better to take what was offered without in depth analysis, better to be grateful for the touches than to be without them.

Subaru waited. And waited. The soft kisses continued. Subaru kept waiting for Seishirou to move lower but there was nothing. At Subaru's confused look, Seishirou merely drew the two of the closer in the embrace. Could it be that Seishirou wanted more than the physical? The emotional aspect had always been Subaru's but lately the interaction between the pair suggested that perhaps Seishirou was going in the direction of the emotional, albeit slower than Subaru.

The sweet tender moment was shattered when Seishirou's arms tightened around Subaru's suddenly. His hands became bruising and his kisses were hard and rough. Subaru was stunned at the about face of Seishirou's actions but kept quiet, allowing Seishirou to continue. The hands left marks on Subaru's pale skin that moved with the light as Subaru's breathing heavied.

And then it stopped. Subaru found himself on the floor. It was so abrupt, the change of Seishirou's style, and then the sudden loneliness that penetrated Subaru's heart when all was taken away.

Subaru watched Seishirou's back. Neither spoke.

And then.

"Go."

Seishirou's hands were fisted and he pointed to the door without looking at Subaru.

"Why?"

Seishirou looked back, his eyes dark and fathomless.

"You don't know what you want. Not at all."

Something in Subaru's mind clicked. The change of styles? Was that an attempt by Seishirou to see if Subaru was the same old person who knew not what he wanted? Seishirou was a master at playing mind games. Subaru's world crashed at his feet and he stumbled up and left, unable to linger and dwell on the previous moments.

Seishirou looked down again when Subaru left.

"You at least know what you want more than me."

And it was clear at this moment that the score, if anyone was still keeping track, was 3-2 in Subaru's favour because Seishirou had felt… something. He had been affected more than he realized and was at a loss at trying to deal with it.

-tbc

A/N: Sorry for the late update. It's really late. Hee. I hope there will still be people reading and reviewing this. Iloveyouall. )


	5. Chapter 5

_Bloodlust confused with desire_

_Want confused with need_

There's something so appealing about the dark, Subaru certainly had to admit that. The kind of reckless abandonment. The feeling of being constantly flying in the air and no support below for safety. The kind of heady rush when a person does something exciting, something exhilerating, more often than not something illegal or wrong.

Not that he had any chance of experiencing that feeling at all.

Yes, Seishirou had certainly put an end to that possibility. Since Subaru had finally decided to put an end to his 'slipper act' and stopped 'flip-flopping' in his decision about Seishirou, it seemed that he was right back at square one. Now he not only could not get rid of the feeling of wanting Seishirou, it was a more serious question of Seishirou not wanting him.

That's certainly a blow to anyone's self esteem.

Sometimes you really should not fight the inevitable. To get yourself lost in the moment and just enjoy what life was offering was a much better philosophy than living in the past of regrets and despair.

Subaru walked on, away from his sadness, his silent footsteps becoming louder as his rage over what he saw as Seishirou's insipid stupidity translated downwards.

-----------

'I really do find pleasure in pain'

Not a sudden revelation nonetheless but a revelation. Seishirou had, in truth, hated seeing the look on Subaru's face. Of stunned surprise. Turning into defeatism. While Subaru had walked on, he had listened shamelessly. Apparently Subaru felt more rage than anything after the shock had worn off. Seishirou could hear him, the defeatism turning into undisguised fury and a hot debate of cursing.

'You don't know what's good for you. How dare you accuse me of not knowing what I want when that clearly applies to you.' Sudden desire of Seishirou to claim him because Subaru's fire had stirred him.

He was a killer. He didn't need complications. His interest in Subaru as more than a toy was beginning to become a complication.

He was ashamed. When had his want of Subaru really manifested itself? Had it existed all along and was helped by Subaru's recent change of style? Or was he merely fascinated by the new Subaru and this fascination would fade with time?

He was being a coward. He was skirting the issue. It didn't look likely that he was going to face the issue anytime soon.

For a week there was silence on both fronts. Neither side had any contact with each other. Each wondered if that was the better way to deal with the issue.

-------------------

Seishirou made the first move

Subaru turned up at his apartment-_his_ first move.

Seishirou was slightly disappointed in a rather sadistic sense.

"You asked me to come. Why?" Subaru did not hesitate to mince words. He turned and met Seishirou's gaze head on. He was tired and exhausted after raking his brains trying to come up with excuses for Seishirou's behaviour. The bravado was all there, his face was a mask, he had enough of Seishirou playing around with his emotions.

"Let's stop this game play. I'm tired of it."

Nothing could have prepared Subaru for this. It was always in Seishirou's nature for games. Some part of Subaru's mind wondered if this was yet another game but he really was too tired to dissect the implications.

So he simply replied "Okay."

There was no explanations, no reasonings. It was the response of two tired souls. It had gone beyond want and desire, beyond lust and the physical to something deeply rooted in all that possessed even an ounce of what made them human- the instinctive desire to be touched and loved in the soul. It was undeniable that no matter what deeds each had done, they were, at the core of their being, doing so for a reason, proving that no matter how deeply they tried to hide it, they were human.

When they met in each other's arms, Seishirou hugged, Subaru clung. There was no other form of body contact. There was an unspoken nature about it. There had to be more than just the kissing, just the touching of flesh. It was the maturity of the mind and the relationship that both wanted, not some simply teenage longing that could be over and done with in a matter of minutes of mindless mating. They had gone beyond that, it was something, though not quite love, that had forced them to content with each other even as the years slipped by.

Seishirou smiled into Subaru's hair and then pressed a kiss that is heartfelt and genuine onto Subaru's lips.

"This is all I can give. One day at a time." Seishirou turned and left his own apartment.

Subaru feels like crying again. This time however, his weeping is of a different nature. It is one of silent gratitude. He understands that by doing what Seishirou did, it went against what had formed a part of him, the ability to care, to feel, to… love?

Deep down, he knows that's the magic in their relationship.

_There's something so tantalizing about the primal, the mix of blood and tears and hands that slick that reach the edge of no tomorrow. The vulnerability riddens the bravado and only true emotions are present in the dance. The satisfaction can't come from the flesh, only from the darkenings of the mind. It's the soul that sings with triumph at the feeling of being truly alive._

"One day at a time."

Stalemate.

-The End-

A/N: Yet again I apologize for the long wait in updating. This chapter is very much different from the previous ones where I focused on the emotional aspect of their relationship. I didn't want to have an ending where it's completely spelled out and you know they'll live happily ever after since I don't want this fic to mirror past writings. I confess I'm not sure how this will be received as I feel very out of practice in writing so do review.


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